Mixed Emotions

My life just feels very boring right now. I am doing the same old thing every single day. It is a routine and I am kind of sick of it. Plus I am just getting sick and tired of the work and I hate it. I feel so behind in this class and that is always my downfall with any of my writing classes. I was great in the beginning. Going to the writing center for every paper and getting the help I need while also going to class. Now I am kind of falling behind and just so so tired that I need a break or I could break down. It was really just this last paper that got me really bad. I suck at thinking of ideas and I then I overthink everything and it is my downfall. But I am getting back on track now because it is very important that I do.

But I am also very happy because I finally soloed in an airplane on Thursday. It was a beautiful day, I was landing that airplane like no problem and it was amazing. So my instructor was just like alright if you land this one as well then you are going to solo. I did and then I got to land that airplane by myself the next three times. I just felt so good about myself that I finally got to fly after a couple weeks of bad weather and it just went perfect. This is my major and I feel like I am finally getting somewhere and am progressing. I was so excited as well that I called my grandparents and my mom and dad right after. I posted it everywhere and the comments of support just made me feel so good about myself. I really needed that though because everything was stressing me out and I needed that one amazing thing to make everything just a little better. I am just feeling great and I love my major. 

.....

Well, I need to get my shit together stat. I am starting to fall off my routine. I was doing so well, starting the homework as soon as I got it, getting help with anything I needed, and actually going to all my classes. Now I am just blah. I just want to stay at home chillin' and sleeping. I am starting to just not care anymore and I hate it. I want to try and I want to continue to do well in school but some things are just harming me and I cannot handle it.

But I am starting to feel better about myself. I have always had problems and sometimes it is worse at certain times but it is always there. 

I also want a tattoo. I love them and will probably be covered in them when I am older. I really want this one quote "Que sera, sera" which means whatever will be, will be. I feel that just really related to me especially where I am now because whatever happens, happens. I cannot control everything in my life so I am just going with the flow. Especially in my life right now because I am just trying to get through things and hearing thing song really means something great to me. 

I do hate that people judge tattoos. Or even some jobs will not hire based on if you have tattoos or not. I feel now it is more relaxed and they just want ones that can be covered or just not offensive which does make sense. But some people are still way too judging when it comes to tattoos. But that is why I have been waiting on tattoos because I want and will need a job and I do not want to be turned away just because I got a tattoo. 

Doris Day - Que Sera, Sera

Fall Fest

Wow. I really needed this break. I feel so much more relaxed and refreshed because I did not really have to worry about the stress of school. Yes this class probably gave me the most stress because this is the only class I actually had homework but it was not the worst. But I got to go out of town and went camping at my camp site. Even though the weather was kind of scaring me with all the rain but seeing that it was not too bad on Saturday and Sunday was beautiful, it made everything even better. It was just my dad and I and we do this every year and every year we have a blast. We did not go till later on Saturday because it is only a two hour drive and we did not want to get caught in the rain there. But once we got there we started a fire and just hung out in the nature. Then once we woke up we went to go to a breakfast buffet where all these cute little Halloween decorations were up. It was awesome, I love getting in the spooky spirit. After that we went to look around at the vendors that were selling stuff and I got some spooky jewelry. We  also played mini golf and got some snacks at the food fair going on as well. Then the big thing that we always do is go to the pumpkin patch and get ourselves a pumpkin. I think this time we are going to make pumpkin pie and roasted pumpkin seeds. It is just a chill environment and something I desperately needed with all the stress from school pilling up. 

TIRED

I am just so done with college and it has only been two months. I feel that I always have something to do in all of my classes. Half the time I have no idea what I have to do but I just know that I have to do something. I just never get a break from work and school. It is hard right now like I am just all over the place and cannot get anything straight. I really just want to sleep for a week and do nothing. I miss summer for that because doing nothing except working was really nice. Now have two things on my plate plus the extra hours for homework is just hard to get used to. I just cannot wait for fall break and even though it is four days, I really hope that it will just make everything a little better. Especially because I will not even be in town so I feel with that change of scenery, things will get a little better. I just really want a pause on life and be able to just get all my rest and then get all the homework for the rest of the school year done and then un pause and just go through school which would be way more chill because I have everything done. But it does not work like that and getting piles of homework is just how it works. Everything is just blah right now and I am just trying to get through it all. Slowly but surely, I know and hope I will get through it.