.....

Well, I need to get my shit together stat. I am starting to fall off my routine. I was doing so well, starting the homework as soon as I got it, getting help with anything I needed, and actually going to all my classes. Now I am just blah. I just want to stay at home chillin' and sleeping. I am starting to just not care anymore and I hate it. I want to try and I want to continue to do well in school but some things are just harming me and I cannot handle it.

But I am starting to feel better about myself. I have always had problems and sometimes it is worse at certain times but it is always there. 

I also want a tattoo. I love them and will probably be covered in them when I am older. I really want this one quote "Que sera, sera" which means whatever will be, will be. I feel that just really related to me especially where I am now because whatever happens, happens. I cannot control everything in my life so I am just going with the flow. Especially in my life right now because I am just trying to get through things and hearing thing song really means something great to me. 

I do hate that people judge tattoos. Or even some jobs will not hire based on if you have tattoos or not. I feel now it is more relaxed and they just want ones that can be covered or just not offensive which does make sense. But some people are still way too judging when it comes to tattoos. But that is why I have been waiting on tattoos because I want and will need a job and I do not want to be turned away just because I got a tattoo. 

Doris Day - Que Sera, Sera

Fall Fest

Wow. I really needed this break. I feel so much more relaxed and refreshed because I did not really have to worry about the stress of school. Yes this class probably gave me the most stress because this is the only class I actually had homework but it was not the worst. But I got to go out of town and went camping at my camp site. Even though the weather was kind of scaring me with all the rain but seeing that it was not too bad on Saturday and Sunday was beautiful, it made everything even better. It was just my dad and I and we do this every year and every year we have a blast. We did not go till later on Saturday because it is only a two hour drive and we did not want to get caught in the rain there. But once we got there we started a fire and just hung out in the nature. Then once we woke up we went to go to a breakfast buffet where all these cute little Halloween decorations were up. It was awesome, I love getting in the spooky spirit. After that we went to look around at the vendors that were selling stuff and I got some spooky jewelry. We  also played mini golf and got some snacks at the food fair going on as well. Then the big thing that we always do is go to the pumpkin patch and get ourselves a pumpkin. I think this time we are going to make pumpkin pie and roasted pumpkin seeds. It is just a chill environment and something I desperately needed with all the stress from school pilling up. 

TIRED

I am just so done with college and it has only been two months. I feel that I always have something to do in all of my classes. Half the time I have no idea what I have to do but I just know that I have to do something. I just never get a break from work and school. It is hard right now like I am just all over the place and cannot get anything straight. I really just want to sleep for a week and do nothing. I miss summer for that because doing nothing except working was really nice. Now have two things on my plate plus the extra hours for homework is just hard to get used to. I just cannot wait for fall break and even though it is four days, I really hope that it will just make everything a little better. Especially because I will not even be in town so I feel with that change of scenery, things will get a little better. I just really want a pause on life and be able to just get all my rest and then get all the homework for the rest of the school year done and then un pause and just go through school which would be way more chill because I have everything done. But it does not work like that and getting piles of homework is just how it works. Everything is just blah right now and I am just trying to get through it all. Slowly but surely, I know and hope I will get through it. 

The World

I just cannot believe what is going on in the world today. There are earthquakes in Mexico, the islands down south just got hit by a hurricane and Puerto Rico just got hit from a different hurricane as well in basically a total destruction. Plus Texas got it just before all that. The president wants to end DACA. Now with him tweeting about how the NFL players that kneel during the national anthem should be fired. The fact that there were nazis and kkk members going around chanting and starting riots is just crazy because they radiate hate and I wish our world was better than that. Also with the new department of education secretary wanting to end the laws to help sexual assault victims at schools seems to be her wanting something to do and even to do anything to go against what Obama did. The world is just becoming a big mess. I would really rather just live in my own little world because I hate the one I am apart of now. People just want to destroy everyone else it seems They also want to destroy the world we live in by not believing in global warming and not finding ways to help. Everything is just crazy right now. The world is just about to end it seems everything is being destroyed and going downhill especially with politics. I just do not get it at all. 

Here is a picture of me just done with everything and I would rather sleep than deal with the world.

Review on The Hunting Ground

I read the review called "Why Critiques of the Campus Rape Documentary The Hunting Ground Only Proves its Point" by Elizabeth Nicholas. What she wrote about was very similar to my feelings. With anyone who basically tries to make it seem like this is not something important just proves that this is something that cannot be taken lightly. Sexual assault is something very important that seems to happen more and more and that needs to be prevented. Both of what we were saying is that this film gives great insight on the problem that sexual assault victims face on these college campuses and how the problems needs to be greater focused on preventing this from happening while also helping the victim, not the perpetrator. Our format was somewhat different because mine was more in the prompt aspect because it was answering the questions while hers was formatted in more of a chronological order of how the film was portrayed. I feel that we both made it clear that this is a problem that needs to be taken more seriously and people who disagree just prove the points given from the documentary, that sexual assault is a problem on college campuses and needs to be taken seriously.

The Hunting Ground Reflection

1. The scene where there were people actually activating and protesting their schools for not doing anything for sexual assault victims and disregarding all their claims. Finally seeing some changes happening and that they are getting through to people made me think that some things might actually change. But at the same time there was the information being given about the sexual asult with an athlete and the fact that colleges were still not doing enough just because the guy was a college athlete was so frustrating. The fact that an athlete was considered to be someone who was worth more that the victim is just unfathomable. My emotions were all over the place in the documentary. Mostly angry and upset though because the fact that schools are not helping these victims or making it seem like their fault when they have done nothing wrong hurts. The fact that it takes years just for these guys to be questioned or even go under investigation and they still get to walk around campus is not fair to the victim. 
2. What surprised me the most was how colleges and the police really did nothing to help the victims get justice and counseling. They all made it seem like it was the victims fault and would not even talk to the perpetrator. Even with the police, they would not help or would take forever to even ask questions and they would always seem to take the perpetrators side. With the example about the college football player, Jameis Winston, just because he was leading Florida State to victory, they dismissed any type of allegations that were said about him. Even though Erica Kinsman, the victim, got a rape kit, went to the police, and talked to the school. Nothing got done until years later where they finally did a DNA test which came back a positive match but they still did not press charges against him. Instead the victim was blamed, called names, and was basically driven out of her school. The fact that the victim is blamed when they are already in a vulnerable position and do not even know what to think is just wrong.
3. The biggest question I have is if this problem will ever get better and if these victims will actually be helped and not tossed aside. Schools need to care more about the students and less about the statistics and it does not seem right that their reputation is more important then the safety of the students. I had two big emotions when it ended which were rage and helplessness. I was so angry at everyone and everything because there was no one helping these victims. They had to try and help themselves and that is hard because being raped can really start to make it hard to function in everyday life. The fact that the process after the rape is worse for these victims because of the helplessness is not right. I felt that helplessness because I could not be there for these victims and I do not know how I can help them. I feel that I can never say the right thing and all I want to do is punch the guy in the face but all I knew was that I have to be there for them so what is what I did. I even have friends that have gone through this and have gone through this process where no help was given. It even happened here and the process was very similar to the documentary where the questions are the same and the guy just gets away with it and is able to be back on campus. It is hard to see my friend deal with that and see the helplessness she was feeling because she did not feel safe in a place she worked so hard to come to. Even with the police, they asked those victim blaming questions and then nothing was done. So it ended with him staying on campus while she could not take it and left Lewis. It hurts that the victims are first dealing with rape and now also dealing with victim blaming, no resources, and no help. 
4. I really want to know if colleges are doing more into actually helping the victim through their sexual assault and the process after. 
5. I want to know the updated sexual assault statistics and how many perpetrators actually got punished for it.
6. What happened with the Title IX law that had the Department of Education put many schools under investigation.
7. With the example about the assault on Erica from Jameis, was anyone involved ever punished like Jameis, the school, and the police officer.
8. Police officers never seem to help when it comes to sexual assault cases but they are supposed to be here to protect and help these students so has anything changed in their training and the way they talk to victims that are reporting these assaults. 

College

Hey everyone and welcome to my blog :)

The first week of my sophomore year was busy. It felt like I just had so much going on with figuring out how my classes work and having to also go to my job. Getting back into the flow of school is hard to do because I was very comfortable not doing anything except work 25 hours a day. But to then have to mix in hours of school everyday and work makes everything feel ten times harder. Plus having to get a whole eight hours of sleep every night, something that the specialist recommend, and even after coming home and doing all the homework is not something I wanted to get accustomed to. But at the same time I love that I am here, seeing all my friends again, getting an amazing education, and being able to do what I love which is flying. I love that I get to continue to progress to get my degree. School can make me want to put my hair out sometimes, well mos of the time, but I do love that I can continue to work towards my degree. 

Now here is a gif that represents me almost every night 

https://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llrjmqbzvU1qak3zr.gif